December 17

Grief is a funny thing. It moves in and out of life haphazardly, indiscriminately. There's no guarantee when it will visit...and revisit...and, when you least expect it, visit again.

I've been missing Jessica lately. I'm not sure if the holidays are to blame or the little reminders of her that I find throughout my life. I thought of her as I put up the ornaments she gave me, the ones with the photos of the 3 amigas: she, myself, and Brooke. When I pulled out the icicles that were party favors at her wedding which took place 7 months before her funeral, I thought of her. I also thought of her yesterday at the mall when a cheery college student with bomb shell blond hair and an infectious smile walked by. And I think of her whenever I pull out my camera with the frilly peach camera strap.

Jessica's husband handed out scarves from Jessica's collection to her closest friends at the funeral. I chose this one. At first I had no idea what to do with it. It was likely one of Jessica's supremely cheap attempts at fashion-forwardness....probably purchased on a whim one day when she was wanting a fresh infusion of peach in her wardrobe. I can just picture her bypassing the typical store-bought route and heading straight for the fabric store. It was there that I'm sure she spotted the material and smiled her satisfied, spend-thrifty smile. She would have her peach, and she'd have it on her terms. Never mind the fact that the edges were roughly cut with a pair of scissors (probably right there in the store), and it isn't wide enough or really thick enough to be a scarf, in my book.

So when her husband first showed me the piece, I liked the color but had no real idea what I would do with it. I took it, feeling compelled and hoping a use would come to me one day.

Fast-forward to a year later...my camera breaks, and I send it back to Nikon to get it fixed. They return it, strap off, and I have no idea how to get the strap back through the tiny loops. I'm desperate, about to go on a shoot with some friends. I look for something to hold my camera, and in a pinch, I grab this. I haven't taken it off since.

Honestly, I am so used to seeing the strap that I don't think about it anymore. I use my camera almost daily now, and I don't usually recall Jessica's face or the story of how I got the fabric...that is until someone says, "Hey, nice strap." And, for a few fleeting moments, I think about Jessica, and then respond, "Yes, it is a nice strap."