Thursday, September 25, 2008

Getting back on the wagon

In short, it has been tough around here. I can't believe the last time I posted was nearly 2 months ago. I have always been a 1-2 time a month writer. But, I'll be really honest, if ever there was a time to fall off the blog wagon, it was these last two months. And rather than "falling" off the wagon, it is more like I went flying, head over heels, and landed with a sonic boom. But such is life in the midst of major transitions.

On August 30, we finally packed up our belongings and cleaned out the bedroom we'd been camping out in for the last nine months. A major chapter of uncertainty closing. There was finally a job lined up. A rental deposit had been paid. Papers signed. And with the truck finally loaded, we drove the forty minutes to our new house.

Oh the joy, relief, and oddly enough, grief that came flooding in with these momentous changes. It is hard to describe (in part because I don't fully understand it all), but the move seemed to be the beginning of a new chapter of struggle. I expected life to magically fall back into place now that we were back on the road to independence and career gains. What I didn't anticipate was the letdown of all the emotions over the last year, all the fallout over the transitions and decisions, to hit me smack dab in the face, and send me flying off that wagon.

Grief is shitty. Is there any other possible way to put it? I cannot reserve that strong description for anything more fitting than grief and loss. We were simply not created to grieve.

I am knee deep in the mud. I see glimmers of hope and restoration. I met with our compassionate pastor yesterday and was reminded that God wants me to be honest with him. In that reminder I see a glimmer of hope.

I don't leave you with the promise that I will blog more (although I do hope to). But I do leave you with a little photo tour of the last few weeks.

My office: Perhaps this may be part of the reason why it has been so hard to blog as of late?

Our dining room table: for the first week, at least. Karis never knew the difference. We are now eating like civilized people in chairs with our feet under us. FYI-we sold most of our furniture in California before moving here. We are slowly beginning the process of replacing it all.

Unkempt lawn: The proportions are wrong. The grass is actually twice the size of the mug. I am sure our neighbors LOVE us. :-) In our defense, we've been super busy, and we are readjusting to the super fast rate at which grass grows here in Florida.

Skyline view from my back porch: I love it. Tall trees. Tons of green. It is a pleasant yard.

A dorky moment: As I sat on the porch tonight drinking my homemade mocha and playing around with my camera, I kept staring at my shirt and my mocha and admiring how they matched so perfectly. It was oddly satisfying.