Karis asleep in her car seat, a rare moment of peace these days.
The winds are changing again in our household. I've been feeling a change of pace slowly creeping up on us the last couple of weeks. I think we're in the thick of the changes now, and I'm afeared I can't see my way out of the forest around me. I'm in need of some perspective, to say the least.
For starters, Karis is just shy of the two year mark, and she has hit the "terrible two's" stage. And when I say she hit it, I mean she is fully engrossed and completely drenched in this stage, leaving me tale spinning from the transformation. The remarkable thing about this though is that it literally happened overnight. She went to bed Sunday night a relatively even-keeled little girl and woke up on Monday a moody, stubborn teenager. While I have aversion to calling this stage "terrible", I'll admit that it is aptly named, if for no other reason than it brings out the terrible in me. The really terrible. A wild dragon of anger, a deep well of frustration, and an endless longing to escape it all...and that is just my half of things. Add her moodiness and brazen disregard for my authority and you have a recipe for a very.long.next.few.months (and here's to hoping it's only that long!). It's a good thing I immersed myself in 2 hours of the raw gospel this morning at my mom's group. I need to be hosed down in the truth daily.
I pulled a muscle in my shoulder of couple of weeks ago, and so I've been walking around like an old lady, holding in my left arm and extending it only to stop Karis from running in traffic or when I forget and load the dryer and re-injure it. It has made things more difficult, and I find myself hoping against all hope that this injury heals soon. It hit me the other day that my suffering is so small compared to others. It's a thought that I angrily dismissed when it first came to mind. But I'm reminded that life is about trusting and waiting.
I'm also realizing life is about process, the stuff that happens "in the mean time," before you achieve your goals. I'm not good with process. The other night I stayed up late trying to get the kitchen perfectly spotless. I knew my husband was hoping I'd come relax with him in bed. I found myself repeating, "Process, Alina. It's about process." But process be damned, I argued back and continued to scrub the counters. I want results: A clean kitchen. A healthy arm. A well-behaved child.
So back to the truth I go, diving right in to the basics. Repentance, Forgiveness, Trust. Over and over again. How many times a day will I have to remind myself?!
Process, Alina. Process.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Process and perspective
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9 comments:
Sounds like you are frustrated.... are u checking that shoulder with Dr.?
Be flexible at this time with K.
Growth happens, and she has been good for all this time. you need 3 more, like me. stay low from crowded, public places.
mom
I am completely resonating with your words today. Not the terrible twos thing, but the whole enjoying-what's-happening-in-the-meantime thing. Each day I preach it to myself over and over. And by the end of the day I often feel peace. Ah. But then I wake up the next morning... and I want those results again. Wish we could have a cuppa tea...
Find out if massage therapy will help your muscle, if that is what hurts, and get a 30 min. massage on me.
mom
Just remember "this too shall pass". Also some unsolicited advice? The secret to the "twos" is to get control of her will without breaking it. Just be consistent in discipline, follow through with what you say and Karis will come out on the other side of this as sweet as she went into it.I have a story to tell you about my son, Justin, and this very thing. Short version is I had to put him in time-out but he wouldn't stay ther...I paddle his bottom and put him back 15 times before he got the message that I meant for him to stay there. I knew if I let it go he would be a handful the rest of his life. He actually has turned out to be a pretty decent member of society at age 23.
Sorry this is so long, but it's an important time in Karis' & your relationship as well.
Love you guys.
(hugs) Hang in there.
One of my favorite series of books is called _Your One Year Old_, _Your Two Year Old_, etc by Ilg and Ames. They're child development. VERY helpful. One of the points they make is that kids through phases of disequilibrium when they're growing and changing and equilibrium when they kind of hang out enjoying the plateau. Makes sense. And helps with a sense of perspective on a particularly difficult phase.
oh, and as a good friend of mine says, "Grace is for mommies, too." (hug)
She is slowing showing her independence.....which is a good thing in the long run. I'm sure she is showing it more over at your house than here. :).Love, Mama k
how can i pass up that precious little girl angel in the car seat. had to think a moment of where the camera was, but i see now.
mom
i totally get what you mean when you say, "a change of pace slowly creeping up on us the last couple of weeks."
i feel like every few months i stand back and think, "oh, things are going so smoothly and great!" and then right about that time i start noticing changes and for about the next week or so my perceived peace and rhythm starts to get all wonky.
right before asher became proficient at the use of the word "no" was one of those times and then that one little world disrupted the peace.
i'll be praying that God would give you patience, consistency, and wisdom with how to deal with two year olds and the need for perspective!
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