Bits and pieces of my life

I have had a lot of thoughts about this new blogging world. I have talked with a few bloggers and viewed their sites and found different motivations for people to blog. For me, I have wondered if it will just be an artistic outlet, and how personal will I let it become. I find my most compelling reason to have this blog is so that I can share myself with those of you who are not around me day to day. So I want to share about the last few days, which have brought me to the realization of how much I need Jesus. Working at Starbucks has proved to be more of growing experience than I anticipated. I sought out this job as a sort of break from the last 21 years of driven educational pursuits. But as most of us learn at some point in our early adult years, we never stop growing and being stretched. It has been challenging to justify to myself and others why I am serving coffee at this age, stage, and "degree earned" position in life. I desire recognition and glory and identity. For so many years I was "the good student striving to reach some goal." Now I am serving coffee and then coming home (to wifery, laundry, cleaning, and cooking) five days a week. I feel "identity-less" in many ways. What further frustrates me is going to work and having teenage supervisors condescend, mistreat, and generally make me and my co-workers feel like we are idiots. I have been so frustrated with these things these last few days, coming home in tears wondering who I am and what I am made for.
Many of you know I have struggled with minor depression when in Saint Louis, and while I feel the Lord has graciously delivered me from that, I still know that there are going to be days or groups of days where I will continue to struggle with myself, others, God, and my future. But, as I sat on the couch yesterday trying to fight "the cloud" of depression, I realized just how much of a mixed blessing depression can be. I am relatively independent and self-motivated. I achieve most goals I set out to accomplish. I move at a fast, American, self-motivated pace. Having times of personal struggle with depression are moments where I come to realize my felt need for Jesus. They are markers and reminders in my life where my need is so evident. So, as much as I feel like I am wandering in this new stage in my life or looking for an identity, I am thankful for the reminders that I am not on this journey alone. I don't desire to sound to overly-simplistic in this last thought, but I wanted to take a moment and highlight the goodness of God in the midst of my struggle.

Besides knowing my spiritual and emotional struggles, I want to give you some snapshots of my life here. One way that I want to do that is to take you on a tour of my home. I am a visual person, and I love to see people's homes and meet their family/friends. It helps me put that person in a context when I can see who and where they live. A home also says a lot about a person, at least mine does. Pictures are the best that I can do until you all make your way out here. Sooo....welcome to my house. I am letting you in through the blue front door. First you will see my diningroom with our fantastic table and hutch that we got for an amazing deal in Saint Louis in the classifieds for $150. It may seem so cheesy and also a little tacky to bring that up, but this table is more to me than just a great deal! It is a big, 8ft. long reminder to me that God cares about providing not only my necessities but also the desires of my heart which, I admit, are oftentimes vain. But I am also really inspired by beautiful things, and when living on a budget, it is sometimes easy to think that budgeting and beauty cannot co-exist. But over and over God shows me how they can live together in harmony, and it is actually fun and creative to live like this.
On the other side of of our dining room is our living room. Both dining room and living room are one great room which is nice when we have people over. We can all be together in that one room. From the living room you can see into the kitchen. By the way the house was painted for us by the church in the months prior to our arrival. Talk about a warm welcome, they asked us to pick out the colors, and then they painted it to our liking. So Matt and I went bold with the colors since we are only going to be in this house 1 year.
So we went with a red kitchen. I love it! Next we move to our bedroom which is also off of the living room. I went with more neutral colors in the bedroom to create a more soothing environment. So these pictures should give you an idea of where I live. I hope you enjoyed the tour!