More on hospitality

I hosted a bridal shower for my sister yesterday. My mom and I cleaned, planned, shopped, and chopped for 24 hours prior to the first guest arriving. As I prepared, I had some thoughts about hospitality. I guess you could say I had more thoughts on hospitality, a sequel to the discussion first begun here.

Hospitality is one of my favorite topics to think about and discuss. It involves food, people, history, creativity, cooking, stories, relationships, and memories. Providing a warm space for others is so important to me. When I was getting my master's degree in counseling, I remember one of my professors talking about hospitality. She said that we should have people over even if we're serving hot dogs on paper plates. It was at that point that I realized there is a difference between dinner parties and hospitality. I'd always thought of hospitality as a well-planned, fancy meal at a dinner table. Instead, I started to realize hospitality is a matter of attitude and availability. Don't read me wrong here, I love "fancy" meals. Fancy meals can be very hospitable, and the two aren't mutually exclusive of each other. But the important trait in hospitality, whether fancy or humble, is availability. Availability to talk, cook, share your life with someone else, not letting expectations for something impressive get in the way of connecting with others.

One of the most hospitable environments I've ever been in was a woman's home in St. Louis a few years ago. I had gone with some friends to a local church to visit a woman and her family who lived in the actual church building. Imagine this, 3-4 classrooms, side-by-side, part of a much larger building used by the church. That was her home. We walked in to her "kitchen", and she was sitting down ready to talk. Her kitchen was a complete wreck. I mean complete. At first I was put off and felt uncomfortable. There were no chairs, and I kept being distracted by the mess. But this woman's warmth and attentiveness to us was so superior to anything I'd seen prior. I left there telling my friend that despite all of the drawbacks (classrooms for home, messy kitchen, no chairs), that was the most hospitable environment I'd ever been in. That experience left a mark on me. While I imagine that woman's home doesn't look that messy all the time, she taught me that hospitality doesn't stop happening when life gets messy. Hospitality is a matter of attitude and the actions that flow out of that attitude.

Yesterday's party taught me that "enough" space is a relative term. My parents home is around 1300 square feet. I don't know the exact specs, but based on how hard I remember it being to find "alone space" as a kid in that house, 1300 may be too optimistic. As the rsvp's kept rolling in for the affirmative, I began to get nervous about bumping shoulders, seating shortage, and frustrated sighs from guests wanting their "alone space."

The day before the party, I gave the issue my full attention. Seating zones were the way to go. Groups of chairs throughout the house. They were perfect for conversation among friends who hadn't seen each other in a while or who knew each other very well. It was still somewhat tight, but I think it was cozy and fostered intimacy. I've been to so many beautiful, boutique-ish bridal and baby showers in gorgeous homes, and somehow that expensive style had crept up in my mind as the only way to host a shower. Once I kissed those expectations goodbye and blew them out the window, I felt free to let the party take on it's own personality. With more than enough food served, Cuban appetizers that were a huge hit, and people laughing in every corner of the home, I think we struck the personal and intimate cord just fine.

My abuelita and her childhood friend from Cuba making toilet paper flowers for the wedding dress game. I've played this game many, many times before, but watching them participate in this standard American bridal shower game was my favorite part of the party.