Hi, my name is Alina, and I'm an overexpecter (a helpful new phrase I'm coining). Yup. It's a problem of pathological proportions in my life. I look forward to big occasions and ponder on the good times to be had. I envision the grand entrance, the witty conversation, the warm and fuzzy feelings, and the fabulous food. Before I know it, I've envisioned something so glossy and tantalizing that only Spielberg could deliver such results on the big screen. And I don't know about you but the holidays are never a blockbuster movie. No offense, family.
It's not that the holidays are ever bad, per se. They are usually quite full of blessings, good conversations, and all around pleasant memories with my loved ones. No, the problem lies in my expectations. They are always, without fail, unceasingly, kicked into overdrive whenever I approach the holidays, or any good thing, for that matter. If they made a medicine for this, I'd have an I.V. hooked up to me 24/7 (except you would never know it because I would have some sort of cool contraption where I could keep it disguised in a purse and it would look especially fabulous and unique).
Today I wrestled with the demons of high expectations. On multiple occasions. Karis woke up sick. Not her usual self--energetic and abounding with joy. First, this disturbed my plans for the day. Secondly, I thought ahead to Thanksgiving Day. Would she be sick Thursday? Would I have to stay home and miss all the festivities? Would Karis not get to play with her cousins and take pictures in their matching holiday shirts? (Don't judge. It's goofy but adorable, trust me.)
I began to panic as all the expectations I had building for over a month began to crumble. Would I get sick? This thought brings with it a whole slew of memories through the years where I have gotten sick, a few times deathly sick, during vacations. For as long as I could remember I would anticipate vacation so intensely that I would wind up getting sick and therefore not be able to enjoy the fun. Disney World, Ecuador, Colorado, California, Palm Coast (just to name a few). But sometimes those illnesses were completely random. They happened to catch me off guard and knock me down right at the eve of a vacation. Cruel fate or God's way of breaking those vices of over expectation? I don't know.
But I do know this. When tonight's schedule didn't go as planned and when the delicious dinner I planned turned into mediocre grits and eggs, I fought hard against the disappointment. And when Matt suggested I be flexible, I certainly thought, "That's ridiculous. I'm VERY flexible." I think, in light of today's ongoing battles, I have merely skimmed the surface of my inflexibility. With this holiday upon us, the one that takes the unassuming virtue of gratefulness and sets it center stage, I am reminded that gratefulness takes whatever comes and says, simply, "Thank you."
Monday, November 24, 2008
Holiday letdown
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7 comments:
Your last statement tells it all---and the center of it is gratefulness. There is a verse is Psalms that tells us to always get our expectations from the Lord....The wisdom of that is HE NEVER disappoints. I always fare better when I remember to do this. Also, eggs and grits sound pretty good to me. Mama and I almost went to IHOP today. I hope you all feel better.
Another heartfelt & candid post. Love it. As for eggs & grits, I love those, too... Well, I hope you enjoy the holiday week. I know about those pesky unexpected illnesses all too well but hang in there...God has a way of slowing us down sometimes by whatever means are necessary! :)
I, too, m guilty of this. I admit it. I do it more with my expectations of my husband. Bad, I know. I recently was guilty of expecting him to do something fabulous for my birthday, but was very let down when he did nothing at all. Yeah. I realized later how at-fault I was. I will keep you in my prayers, that God will help you find joy in the simple so that extpectations will not need to be made. Love you, Lini!
Oh, and with kids, holidays are always sick times. Abby was initially put in the hospital for her pneumonia on Christmas. Seems every T-giving, Christmas, and Aiden's birthday are sick days here. We have learned to celebrate on off days, which can be much more enjoyable at times!
love your writing friend!
I can relate. I'm an overexpecter as well. I try to use reverse psychology on myself. i.e., when I'm going to watch a movie I'm looking fwd to, I think, "this is going to be terrible." I try to crank down the expectations to a lower position. :-)
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