A rainbow after the storm

So far, March has held the "least hours blogged award". It is so hard to believe that March is almost over. The first two weeks were spent in Florida with family and friends, and the last two weeks have been a whirlwind of events. The lack of internet on my personal computer has contributed greatly to my lack of blogging activity. Let me start by saying how much I love my husband!! I came home from work today to the usual--a very happy and loving husband so excited to see me. This is standard in our relationship--Matt is always excited when I walk through the door. I have really come to appreciate the even-tempered and always content attitude of my husband. I have been so blessed by his love and support lately. What made coming home to him even more grand was that he had fixed my internet which has not worked for the last month. I am a happy girl!

Lately God has been really pursuing me...and when I say pursue I mean he has thrown down seemingly all obstacles in the way that keep my heart from clinging to Him. I am realizing how I look to people, events, jobs, conversations, relationships, and other things in my life to fill me. I am on a desparate search for that thing that will fill me, meet my needs, or to put it more simply, identify me. I have become aware of how I have struggled with this for many years now. I think the challenges that we faced in Saint Louis without friends and family around really highlighted this growing desire to be rescued by something. Instead of looking to God to be my identity and rescuer, I became good at identifying myself by my "counseling student" status. It was also easy for me to blame all my discontentedness on a lack of church family. Now that we are at "home" here in California and I have amazing friends around, I still have that incredible yearning to be completed and fulfilled. For instance, I have been searching for a job. The job I wrote about in the last two entries was slated in my mind to be that big thing that would fulfill my desires, time, and need for an identity. I could be a working woman. As my desire for the job grew, so did my expectation that the job would be perfect for my life. Therefore when I found out I didn't get the job...I was crushed. I couldn't believe it, and I was left feeling very tired with no job prospects on the horizon to give me hope. It has been in my exhaustion and frustration this last week that my eyes have begun to open to the severe mercy of God in His plan. I don't fully understand, but what I do believe is that God has torn down a huge idol. My eyes are open to how much I worship that which will give me an identity...two years ago it was my counseling degree and a church family and in the last month, a full time job. I will admit, I really do not know what it looks like to have my identity be in Christ alone. But I want to know, and that is where I start....the best place to start!

Jessica came to visit Brooke and I this past week. I have so been looking forward to her trip, and I feel like every day spent with her is precious. Although I was struggling with a cold and the flu throughout her visit, I was so blessed by her company. Many other people around Brooke and I were blessed to. When Brooke and I took her to the airport yesterday, it was a sad goodbye but also a hopeful one too. It was raining during our drive to the airport. We were driving through a beautiful area in Pismo Beach and the sun had begun to shine through the rain clouds and golden lining around the horizon. As the rain lifted we looked ahead of us and in a large farm field we saw an entire rainbow, end to end. It literally was sitting there in its huge entirety in this field bright and beautiful. We pulled over and sat there thinking about God's promises to us in this life and the life to come. He loves us and is for us!

Here are some pictures of our visit together. Glad to be blogging again, and hopefully it won't be so long before I blog again!