Waffle House

Matt and I decided to start a tradition here at our church: once a month we are going to have 10 people over for waffles after church. Today was the inaugeral Kodatt Waffle House Brunch! We have wanted to have some sort of regular meal where we could host people in a rather casual manner. What inspired the waffle idea is our waffle maker--by far the nicest kitchen item we received for our wedding (it retails at Williams Sonoma for $100). For the first five years of our marriage we have pulled out this pricey item maybe 4 times total. A couple of weeks ago we were talking about this unused machine and decided we should make it earn its keep here. So dusting it off, heating it up, and setting the table with all the toppings, we were off... having our pastor and his family of 8 over for a carb-overloaded feast. So maybe we made too much batter and the eggs were a little tough and the bacon took a while and made a mess--but all in all, this is a Kodatt tradition from this day forward. These are some pictures snapped from the day (aren't I looking marmish in my apron?)--I meant to snap some shots of the feast but the feast itself took all my attention.

A bear scratched me today!

Yeah, it's true! A bear was licking my arm and it scratched me as I tried to get away. It was all part of a tour that Matt and I took at a zoo about 5 minutes from our house that takes endangered, unwanted, confiscated animals from all over the US. We saw literally lions and tigers and bears! The monkeys were a fun attraction, and I had a lemur crawl all over my shoulders and dig in my purse. Fun times. A friend who I worked with at Starbucks who also works full time at Zoo to You gave an exclusive tour for us employees (and former employees like myself). On my days off I love doing these sorts of things which are fun and out of the ordinary of my regular schedule. I have Sundays and Mondays off. Sunday often feels like a work day with church, and so Monday is my day to do whatever I want. This isn't something you would hear from most working people, but I dare to say it: God, Thank you for Mondays!

Broken

This week I realized how broken everything is. Things, relationships, people are not as they should be. I spent some time with a foster child this week and as soon as I was done with the contact I got in my car and immediately started to put on some soothing jazz music. I had rolled down the windows, put on delightful/light/problem-free music, and began daydreaming of the delicious meal I would make to warm my belly and satisfy my hunger. As I rode home I realized what I was doing...running from the brokenness of that child's life and circumstances. I was trying to air out my car of the misfortune, neglect, and abuse that this child has seen in one short lifetime. Once I realized my sad attempt (to feel as if this world is right) wasn't working I just sat there, and allowed myself to take a mental and emotional bath in the broken reality of this world.

Yeah, this job is going to be hard, no doubt about it. People in the social work "business" speak
of leaving work problems at work. Sure...if there exists a button in your brain that helps you compartmentalize your experiences, then good for you. I personally haven't found that button to be easily accessible. Outside of our back door we have an emergency light that comes on when people approach at night. It has two big lights on it that shine in opposite directions. I have looked at that light and thought it is big enough to hang my problems on before I come in after a broken day's work. But honestly, some days it just doesn't seem big enough to mentally afix my work burdens on. Other day's I glide right past that light and spend the evening preparing dinner or doing whatever evening activities with a light heart not thinking about my day.

Honestly I am really thankful for those days when I don't think about work after hours. On the one hand, I don't want to become hardened to the reality of this brokenness like some crusted old shell of a social worker, unaffected by the nastiness of many children's experiences. On the other hand I have got to learn to compartmentalize. What I am doing is glorious in a small way--giving dignity, kindness, and normalcy to these children's lives in the form of a ride, conversation, activity in the community. But here is the best part....I am not God. Bingo! There it is...that is key to how I can compartmentalize. I can give a small piece of love and kindness and be a part of God's GRAND, HUMONGOUS, CERTAIN plan of redemption. So here I go, sent out like an army soldier with a seemingly small mission that is part of a grand scheme. And when I come home at night, I can hang my day's work on that light knowing that this world is broken and I can both cry about it and then come inside, trust Jesus, and go on with my life.

Matt, the incredible!

So I believe my husband is a superhero. Let me paint you a picture to explain why. Matt calls me while I am driving home from work at around 6:30 this evening. I am tired, thirsty, and hungry, and I readily dump these three facts on him in a slightly complaining manner (what can I say...it was a long day!). We chat a few minutes and then hang up. Twenty-five minutes later I roll up the drive way and come to a stop thinking about all the stuff I need to lug out of the car and carry into the house when I hear the back door of the house shut. Running feverishly towards me is my husband, a tall glass of water in one hand, a banana in the other hand, and very panicked look on his face. As soon as he reaches me he shoves the water in my hand and the banana in my mouth all the while saying, "Hurry, hurry!" Once I finished almost choking on the banana from laughing so hard I thanked him for being so awesome and thoughtful in meeting my "dire hunger and thirst needs". Often he will come out and greet me in the driveway when I drive up after a hard days work. Wow! I love him for his superhero powers of cheering me up and showing me that I am loved.

P.S. This picture of Matt was taken last week on the 4 day hike that he led. He and 3 other leaders took 11 kids into the Sierras Mountains and all returned to speak of it!

Five weeks overdue

Well it has certainly been a busy five weeks since I last posted. You might imagine the new job would be to blame...and you are right. Lots of training and driving have consumed many hours of my time in the last month. It has been wonderful to be employed, getting a paycheck, and gaining new knowledge. The job has its ups and downs, but most of all I am thankful for the blessing of a job.

A few weeks ago Matt and I went camping with the church. We stayed on a site with a family, and we had a wonderful time with them. They have a little girl who is very shy, and Matt made it his personal mission to gain her affection. By the end of the trip, this was the closest he got to her (see picture below.)


Well, we are off to enjoy our day off. More to come later on the last month's adventures of Matt and Alina.

That's Vegas, Baby!

I can't tell you how many times I heard people saying that phrase as we walked along the Las Vegas strip. We just got back this afternoon, and we will admit that although it was nice to get away, we didn't enjoy Las Vegas all that much. We are really glad that we went and saw the city with all its glitz and glamour. It is such a cultural icon. But we will be glad if we never go again. The accomodations were great (we stayed in the pyramid hotel, The Luxor). The lights were every bit as sparkly as you could imagine, and the strip was much larger than we expected. Yet we were overwhelmed by the decadence and beckoning to live lavishly which the city calls to all its visitors. But then again, "That's Vegas, Baby"! Recently we have begun to think very seriously about getting out of debt, all our debt (yup, even the monster school debts). So to be in a town that screams at you to spend your money on pleasure, we found ourselves becoming more and more excited about living simply and getting out of debt. Considering how much it sharpened our motivation, I guess you could say we went to Vegas at a good time.

One thing I did really enjoy visiting was the Bellagio Hotel, the one from the movie Ocean's 11. We walked through the hotel lobby and stared in wonder at the amazing decadence of it all. We also got to enjoy the fountain show out front (the fountains light up and are choreographed to songs from Celine Deon, Sinatra, and Pavaroti). That was incredible.

It was also interesting to go to the desert. It is sooo hot, as you might imagine. When we went to the Hoover Dam, it must have been 110-120 degrees. Being there made me really appreciate how much I am not in the desert here in Paso, no matter how brown it may appear to me. All in all, it was a good getaway, and we are glad to be back to our lives of healthy simplicity. I also start my new job on Monday...exciting! I'll leave you with some photos from the trip.

This picture is of the Paris Hotel and the Bally's Casino Hotel.

Here is Matt looking rather like the guys in Ocean 11 after they pull off the Bellagio heist.

Here we are at the Hoover Dam.

To give you some depth perspecitve, on the left hand side of the dam wall under the roof is where Matt took the picture of me. It's a big dam.

Leaving Las Vegas

Actually, we are leaving for Las Vegas tomorrow morning, bright and early at 5 am to make it through the desert before the afternoon heat hits. Matt and I are celebrating my last day at Starbucks today and my new job which begins on Monday. For those who haven't heard, I got a job doing social work. I found out a few weeks ago that I got the job and the last couple of weeks have been so full of peace and rest. Knowing that I have a job and don't have to continue looking, searching, interviewing, and stressing about the job search has been such a relief. Most of you know how difficult this job search has been, and I look back over the last 11 months and I wonder why God took me down this long and rough path. But I do see blessings in this difficult time I have been through. I stand in a position now of excitement and hope and eager motivation to begin my new job and to work hard at it. I know much of this attitude has been produced from the refinement of the last year of frustration. So here we go, Matt and I, embarking on a two income journey for a while. We are celebrating with our trip to Las Vegas, on a shoe-string budget. I hope to have fun pictures when we return. I am excited about the relaxation and the "get away". Off to the desert we go.

Father's Day, a little late

I meant to post this on Sunday, but had trouble uploading all of the pictures, but since today is my Dad's birthday I thought I would troubleshoot through the picture issues to bring you this post I began writing on Sunday.

"Sunday in church one of the elder's talked about Father's Day as a day that people feel one of three emotions: celebration, anger, or indifference. These emotions are in response to our relationship with our fathers, the earthly one. He spoke of these emotions in conjunction with forgiveness and asking God, our heavenly father, to give us forgiving hearts towards our fathers. I sat in church in a row with people who all feel a good bit of all three emotions towards their fathers, and I was moved to tears. I am thankful for my father, and although no relationship is perfect, and I am grateful for the man that God has made my father to be. One thing I love in particular about my father is that he prays for me every single day and he reminds me of that every time I speak with him. Thanks for your faithfulness, Dad. I love you.


Matt and I were in a celebratory mood on Sunday afternoon and so we took our only dependent (I can't quite cross the line to call her a child) to the beach and it was great fun! Matt and I joke about how Keller thinks she is the most important girl in Matt's life. I thought these were some fun pictures of Keller and her daddy. :-) P.S. I hope that posting all of these pictures of Keller doesn't cause me to cross the line into "doggy dork-dom"...you know, 'the speaking of one's pets as if they were beloved human children.' But....she is precious and maaaaaybe sometimes we wish she could talk to us. Yikes!

Can I get an Amen?!

Matt preached his first sermon this Sunday, and it went great. I was so proud of him being that it was his first sermon ever! There was a time not too long ago when Matt never wanted to work for a church again, much less be the guy up front preaching. He never considered preaching to be something he would be good at. But with some healing, a lot of work, and the Holy Spirit, Matt brought a message to the church this week. A lot of people had encouraging things to say to him afterwards. Today he received a postcard in the mail which said how much they were blessed by the sermon and can see how God has gifted him. I share this with you guys to share the amazing work of what God is doing in my husband's life. I prayed for years for healing and a sense of direction for Matt. We don't always see it happening, but it is beautiful when Jesus lets us watch that process. The picture above was taken on Sunday at a friend's house after the sermon.

Andrew's visit

It's been too long! No, really...we must catch up! The month of May goes on record as being a hard month in my books. I don't want to expound upon it much tonight as it is getting late and I am exhausted, but I did want to make a reappearance as a blogger. I find it impossible to blog when I am having a hard time, in part because I don't want to sound like Eyor (sp? the gloomy donkey on Winnie the Pooh) but also because I tend to feel very uninspired during hard times and I usually only write when I'm inspired. So here I go getting back on the blogging saddle again! I did want to post some pictures from my brother Andrew's visit to California. He has been here since Monday and is leaving on Saturday. It is nothing short of delicious to have family and old friends visit us all the way out here on the west coast, so I don't take these kind of visits for granted. I hope to write more about what is going on in our lives, but until then I wanted to leave you with these pictures of our week thus far. Have a great weekend.


Behold my California husband, donning his west coast tan and new glasses and new weight loss--he is awesome, dropping 15 lbs. in just one month.




I love this picture of Andrew and Matt looking out on Pacific together. The picture melts my heart! These are two very special boys in my life!

Path to Renewal

Tonight Matt, Keller, and I took a long walk around a beautiful path near our home. I love our nightly walks together. They have been one of the new steps we have taken towards living more healthy lives. I see much renewal going on in our hearts right now. In our sonship meeting last week with our pastor and his wife, Matt was struck by how much life is an adventure and we are beckoned to trust God and enjoy where he leads us. It is so wonderful to see Matt encouraged by these words, and we are spurring each other on to trust God and enjoy the journey together here in Paso Robles. These pictures are from our walk this evening.

Congratulations, Nurse Hansinger!

Jenny, my sister, graduated on Saturday from Florida Gulf Coast University with her B.S. in Nursing. She has worked very hard to achieve this, and I am so incredibly proud of her accomplishments. I love you, Jenny, for who you are...the nursing part is bonus! Here are a few pictures from the celebration (which I could not attend being all the way over on the other side of the world). My abuelita, aunt Alina, brother, and parents were there to ring in the new degree!

On birthdays and good friends

Saturday night went great. There were eight of us total sitting around my living room drinking moderately good green apple martinis (pictured to right) and chowing down on Thai coconut curry chicken while discussing life and getting to know one another. There were friends here who I have known anywhere from long time to some only a couple of months. It was so wonderful to sit there, talk, and laugh and enjoy the evening. One of my favorite things is watching my friends interact with each other. It was so enjoyable sit back, enjoy their company, and realize the blessing of friendship. Whether friendship be with a friend from childhood, high school, college, beyond college, mother, sister, or in-laws-- here is a toast (blog) to friendships.

Hello old friends...

So I think I am a master escape artist!...at least in the blogging world. It has been 21 days since I last wrote and so much has gone on. I had a great time in Baltimore with Peter, Erica, and Alina Beth. I felt like it was the first time I got to spend a good amount of time with Peter in many years. In fact, I don't feel like we have had that kind of quality time in 8 years or more. Once I left for college 12 hours away from home and then he went to college the next year 24 hours away from home, we began to develop bad habits of not keeping in touch very well. He began dating Erica his first year of college, and I did not get to spend good quality time with her either. On this trip I realized how much I like my brother and his wife, not to mention loving them. They are really fun and I enjoyed connecting with them and seeing their life as husband/wife and dad/mom.

And Alina Beth....seriously, she is such a beautiful child. She smiled the entire time I was there. I am not joking, she is the most contented baby ever, and she has a smile that makes you feel so special. I am excited about that little girl and her parents. I also had a good time with Andrew and Jenny and my mom. Between chilling on the couch and checking out the Baltimore sights, we had a great weekend. Praise Jesus for beautiful nieces like Alina Beth and Evie.

Since I got back I have been working 40 hours a week at Starbucks...and wondering what in the world I am doing with my time. I have not enjoyed Starbucks at 20 hours a week...you can imagine how it has felt at 40 hours a week. I applied at some temporary agencies to try to get some better part time work.

One great thing God has brought into my life recently has been a woman, Jan, who is a friend of a friend of mine. My friend hooked me up with Jan who, a lisenced counselor and professor at our local community college. I have a had a couple of conversations with Jan over the last couple of months which have been so encouraging of my counseling career. She has recently encouraged me to apply to teach at our community college in the family/human studies department...long story short, I am turning in the application to human resources tomorrow.

Ok, so you might be doing a double take at your screen and asking me (in your mind or under your breath "What?!?! Teaching at a community college?!?!") Yes. How weird...I never even considered teaching, but here I go turning in an application based on the encouragement of a woman I have never met face to face. Last week I found out our health insurance through starbucks is being dropped at the end of the week, and it is all due to my lack of administrative skills in keeping track of my hours. Major ooops! As I sat in my office in front of my computer hating myself and seriously doubting God, I decided to call a good friend in our church. She asked me what the messages were that I was telling myself. As I talked with her I began to really wonder what in the world was going on and would God ever open a door, especially one I want to walk through. After talking with her I called Jan, the women I mentioned earlier who I had only spoken with once before. I was ready to talk seriously with her about counseling (ready to take a risk). During that conversation she told me about the open teaching positions. She doesn't even know me...she is just going off of whatever my friend from church told her, yet I felt so enouraged. That day I downloaded the application and began dreaming about something I have never considered doing.

So that is a long and drawn out story...one that I really question even telling because I have no idea if anything will come of it. How hard it is to put your heart and desire into something that may not work out. But I am learning that that is what all of life is about. The only insurance policy we have is in God's love for us and His desire for our best. This step I am taking is a major step off a cliff, and I hoping the Lord will provide something for me when my feet come down. I still don't know what God's best looks like in terms of my career. But I did find a verse a couple of weeks ago that spoke to me about God's desire for my life in general (and in specific with whatever I say or do).
Psalm 16:5-11
The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forever more."

I especially love the highlighted portion. I have stared at those words "my whole being rejoices" and wondered how that is possible and what it would feel like. I wrote those words down and put them in my starbucks barista apron, and they have burned a hole in my pocket while I have been at work (not rejoicing in my whole being but rather complaining and pouting that I have to do something I don't want or feel like doing at the moment). How do I rejoice when I feel like I am on a roller coaster ride of emotions? Better yet, how do I get off that roller coaster so that my joy is not dependent on what God is or is not doing that I have put on the agenda for "things to happen by age 27"? I am in the process of figuring out how to get off the ride. So here I go...teaching job or no teaching job, my flesh dwells secure...because in God's presence there is fullness of job (oops, total type-o but soooo ironic--I meant joy) and pleasures forevermore"!!

Enjoy the pictures from the weekend in Baltimore. Also, thank you for all the birthday wishes! I felt so loved as I rounded the corner to hit 27. Crazy...um, dare I say I am an adult?! I am having a girls' night on Saturday for a belated party where I will be serving green apple and raspberry martinis along with my favorite coconut curry chicken. Yum yum!

What a great picture of uncle Andrew and Alina Beth...I love this picture and can't wait to frame it in my home!

Adorable, right?

These next few pictures are pictures from our trip to the chesapeake bay...it was a beautiful day!

I love these duck prints left in the sand.

After walking along the shoreline we went and had some amazing Maryland crab cakes at a seafood restaurant.

Baltimore bound

I am really excited because on Thursday morning I am boarding a plane headed for Baltimore where I will get to meet my neice for the very first time. Alina Beth Hansinger is about 6 months old, and we have yet to be introduced. I think it is high time I get to meet the precious little one who took my maiden name! I am also so excited to see my brother Peter and his beautiful wife Erica. So with my suitcases only two weeks rested from the last trip back East, I pack my bags for a wonderful reunion/introduction. Thank you Jesus for airplanes!

A rainbow after the storm

So far, March has held the "least hours blogged award". It is so hard to believe that March is almost over. The first two weeks were spent in Florida with family and friends, and the last two weeks have been a whirlwind of events. The lack of internet on my personal computer has contributed greatly to my lack of blogging activity. Let me start by saying how much I love my husband!! I came home from work today to the usual--a very happy and loving husband so excited to see me. This is standard in our relationship--Matt is always excited when I walk through the door. I have really come to appreciate the even-tempered and always content attitude of my husband. I have been so blessed by his love and support lately. What made coming home to him even more grand was that he had fixed my internet which has not worked for the last month. I am a happy girl!

Lately God has been really pursuing me...and when I say pursue I mean he has thrown down seemingly all obstacles in the way that keep my heart from clinging to Him. I am realizing how I look to people, events, jobs, conversations, relationships, and other things in my life to fill me. I am on a desparate search for that thing that will fill me, meet my needs, or to put it more simply, identify me. I have become aware of how I have struggled with this for many years now. I think the challenges that we faced in Saint Louis without friends and family around really highlighted this growing desire to be rescued by something. Instead of looking to God to be my identity and rescuer, I became good at identifying myself by my "counseling student" status. It was also easy for me to blame all my discontentedness on a lack of church family. Now that we are at "home" here in California and I have amazing friends around, I still have that incredible yearning to be completed and fulfilled. For instance, I have been searching for a job. The job I wrote about in the last two entries was slated in my mind to be that big thing that would fulfill my desires, time, and need for an identity. I could be a working woman. As my desire for the job grew, so did my expectation that the job would be perfect for my life. Therefore when I found out I didn't get the job...I was crushed. I couldn't believe it, and I was left feeling very tired with no job prospects on the horizon to give me hope. It has been in my exhaustion and frustration this last week that my eyes have begun to open to the severe mercy of God in His plan. I don't fully understand, but what I do believe is that God has torn down a huge idol. My eyes are open to how much I worship that which will give me an identity...two years ago it was my counseling degree and a church family and in the last month, a full time job. I will admit, I really do not know what it looks like to have my identity be in Christ alone. But I want to know, and that is where I start....the best place to start!

Jessica came to visit Brooke and I this past week. I have so been looking forward to her trip, and I feel like every day spent with her is precious. Although I was struggling with a cold and the flu throughout her visit, I was so blessed by her company. Many other people around Brooke and I were blessed to. When Brooke and I took her to the airport yesterday, it was a sad goodbye but also a hopeful one too. It was raining during our drive to the airport. We were driving through a beautiful area in Pismo Beach and the sun had begun to shine through the rain clouds and golden lining around the horizon. As the rain lifted we looked ahead of us and in a large farm field we saw an entire rainbow, end to end. It literally was sitting there in its huge entirety in this field bright and beautiful. We pulled over and sat there thinking about God's promises to us in this life and the life to come. He loves us and is for us!

Here are some pictures of our visit together. Glad to be blogging again, and hopefully it won't be so long before I blog again!

Hmmm....

Ok, I will completely admit I have no idea what God is up to. I talked with the head of human resources for the job I told you guys about, and she told me I "wasn't advancing to the next step" in the job selection process (or something that sounded like that). I won't pretend that I am ok with this. I am really disappointed (and angry), to be honest. Again, I have no idea what God is up to. The last few weeks Matt and I have been training our dog Keller to walk a few steps behind us because it teaches her submission to our lead. As I have taken her on walks this week I have found the profound connection between Keller submitting to my lead and my need to trust where the Lord is leading me. The one in the lead has can see the full view ahead, and often this is the hard part for me. I want to see the view ahead, the full panoramic view. I want to know where I am headed and I even want to choose what direction I am headed in. But God is leading me, and I ask for your prayers as I learn to trust His lead. Also please pray that I will be encouraged to continue this job search. I do think this disappointment can strengthen my resolve to find a job.

East Coast Travels

In reference to title of my blog, Matt and I have made the journey "from coast to coast" in these past two weeks. We have been touring our great home state of Florida. We began our time in Jacksonville to be with Matt's parents, grandmothers, and brother's family and then we made our way down to Orlando to visit Matt's sister and her husband. We are now vacationing in sunny southwest Florida with my parents and sister. We have so enjoyed the retreat from our normal routine in California, and we have appreciated the time to reconnect with family and friends we don't get to see but once a year, if that. Living a bi-coastal life is a hard one, and I am reminded of that. I am growing to love my California home more and more and I feel that that is absolutely where we belong, but my heart also longs to be in a more regular relationship with those back on the east coast. But have no fear, you west-coasters, trips like this back to Florida only cement in our minds just how much we feel called to live in California. So, until our families decide to uproot and join us in the fabulous west, we are left to be trailblazers facing the setting sun with longing hearts for those behind us.

Today we had a wonderful adventure touring some islands off the coast of the southwest cape coral region. I have included some shots from today's adventure. Pray for safety for the rest of our trip. Also, exciting news!!!!......please pray for me tomorrow, Friday, at 12 noon eastern time and 9 am pacific time. I have an interview with an organization for a coordinator position that I absolutely would looooove to get. I haven't mentioned it before on the blog because my heart has been too excited and hesitant to even bring it up. But I am asking you all to pray for me that the phone interview will go well tomorrow, and if the Lord wills, that I will get this job. I will tell you all more about the position later...especially if I get it. Enjoy the pictures!